


Care

by GrumpyJenn



Series: Real Person FICTION - That Last is Important [2]
Category: Doctor Who RPF, Mattex - Fandom
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-09
Updated: 2014-01-10
Packaged: 2018-01-08 02:34:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1127317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrumpyJenn/pseuds/GrumpyJenn





	1. Matt

“Hello, darling,” said Alex, and smiled at Matt as she lounged in his doorway.

Not _his_ doorway as such; it was a hotel room, but his doorway for the night and what was she doing here?

And why did that smile not sparkle behind her eyes the way it usually did?

Matt reached out and hauled her to him, burying his face in her hair and letting the door close behind her. He felt her hands creep round his waist and fist in the cloth of his t-shirt, and he just held on.

“Missed you,” he found himself murmuring into the wild halo of hair, and he felt her smile against the skin of his throat.

He was unprepared for the smile to transform into a sucking sort of kiss, and when her hands started to slide down his hips he gathered his scattered wits and backed away slightly, grasping her hands in his.

“Kingston...?” Shit, his voice was hoarse. He swallowed hard and tried again. “What are you doing?”

The tears in her eyes didn’t stop her from keeping them steadily on his, though her colour deepened as she said, simply, “Matt. Are we friends?”

He couldn’t speak, so he just nodded.

“Good. I...” Now she avoided his gaze, looking off to one side. “I came here tonight, hoping that I could... that you would...”

“That I would what?” _Surely she doesn’t mean, after all this time, why would she... why now?_

“That you would allow yourself to be seduced for the sake of that friendship,” Alex said in a rush, and blushed even harder. “Just for one night,” she went on, still refusing to look at Matt, and now the tears were running down her face, though they didn’t show in her voice.  “I need, I...”

“Why?” But he suspected he knew why, and her next words proved him right.

“I’m so... I’m _desperately_ lonely. I just need someone to... I need to feel... just for _one_ night, Matt, I...”

Matt shook his head, and, letting go of her hands, grasped Alex’s chin and tilted her face up to look into her eyes. “Loneliness isn’t a good enough reason, Kingston.” She wrenched her face from his hold and buried it in her hands. _Damnit, I have to fix this, right now, find out what it is she really wants_. So he gently pried her hands away from her face to look at her again. “Why me?”

Alex’s expression was almost defiant now, but also resigned, and he could see that she would let it go, would live with whatever humiliation she must be feeling, to spare his own feelings. They would go back to the flirty friendship on the outside; she had the acting skills to pull it off.

But inside she would always be crying, mortified at her own behaviour, and so _lonely_.

That mustn’t happen.

“Why me, Alex?”

Alex closed her eyes and told him, in a high, clear voice. “Because I need to feel... cherished, just for one night. And I’ve always found you very attractive and I knew you wouldn’t...”

“What?”

She opened her eyes then, and looked directly into his. “I knew that although it was very likely you’d reject me, you would do your best not to hurt me.”

It was said simply, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, and it broke Matt’s heart to think that his unwillingness to hurt her was the exception, not the rule. She expected to be hurt, expected rejection, expected even those she loved to turn on her.

Because that’s what experience had taught her.

“What makes you think I would reject you?”

Alex gave a bitter bark of a laugh. “You just said it yourself. ‘Loneliness isn’t a good enough reason.’ And you’re right, of course.” She drew herself up, wrapping an invisible cloak of dignity about her as best she could. But he knew her too well to be fooled. “Thank you for being a gentleman about this. I... I have to go...” She trailed off as he grasped her wrist, and looked up, startled, into his face. “Matt...?”

“It’s _not_ a good enough reason, Alex. Not with you.” Matt could hear his own voice roughen and deepen, but it was out of his control now. “Because I would never – _could_ never – be satisfied with a one-off shag. Not with you.” He took a deep breath. “I care too bloody much.”

“You...”

“I always have.”


	2. Alex

“I always have.”

It was all he said, but Alex knew Matt well enough to understand the subtext. He was saying that he had cared for her since they’d met, all this time, _years_. And he _meant_ it.

She just couldn’t believe it.

“You... how can y... I...” Alex stammered, and hated herself. _Bloody actress and I can’t even string a sentence together_.

But he slid his hand up her arm from where he had grasped her wrist and wrapped it carefully around her shoulders, turning her gently to sit with him. Then he just sat, slipping his hand into hers.

Alex wasn’t sure what to do. There’d been more raw honesty between them tonight than in the entire time they’d known one another, and she truly didn’t know where to start. She could feel inanities bubbling up, and she took a breath, prepared to say _anything_ just to break the silence.

But Matt broke it for her.

“Alex...?”

 _He sounds unsure_ , Alex thought miserably, certain that now he would reject her outright, no matter what he’d said before. She heard herself sigh in resignation and prepared to let him off the hook. _He only said it to spare your feelings, Alex_ , she told herself severely, and looked up at him to tell him he needn’t bother, not with her. To thank him again for being a gentleman and letting her down easy.

But he was smiling down at her, and the look in his eyes was nothing like rejection. Nor was it pity.

“Hello.” _Oh, he’s going to make it_ easy _, use dialogue we both know to say the things we hadn’t had the nerve to before. I can do this. If it’s him._

“Hello.” She was able to smile at him, no longer certain of rejection, because this looked like... like caring, again.

“But that means...” and then he went off script. “You care too,” he breathed, and stared at her as though he’d never quite seen her before.

Or as though he couldn’t believe it either.

”Yes.” Same characters, different scene.

His smile turned into something shy and sweet, and still unsure. But nothing like what she had been afraid to see there. “Will you stay?”

“Yes,” Alex heard herself whisper, and stretched up to kiss him.

But Matt stepped back. His face was very serious, uncharacteristically still. “I... Alex...”

 _He won’t hurt me,_ Alex told herself firmly _, I knew he wouldn’t when I came here tonight_. But she couldn’t help a little shiver of apprehension, because what if he _did_? “Do... do you really want me to? To stay, I mean.”

“God, _yes_.”

“Then...?” _Then why are you stepping away? Please don’t go away, Matt. Please._

“I want – I _need_ – to be absolutely sure that... that this is what you want. That it’s not just that one-off shag, because Alex, if it is, I don’t w—“

“It’s not.” _It’s not, oh, it’s_ so _not._

“It’s not?”

“No,” she began, and then she broke off as he kissed her.

“Stay. Please _stay_ , Alex.” It was a plea against her lips.

Alex nodded, and murmured against his mouth. “Always.”

“Ohh...” The sigh was mutual this time, and the kiss got much more serious.

“God, Alex, I...” Matt’s voice had gone hoarse again, and Alex felt a rush of confidence about something _other_ _than acting_ for the first time in a very long time.

He _wanted_ her.

And oh _God_ , she wanted him too. It wasn’t just that physical attraction and the trust that he wouldn’t deliberately hurt her.

Not anymore.

And Alex felt her throat close, the tears prick behind her eyes. But this time the tears were... happy, she decided. Content. No longer tears of pain and loneliness and despair. No longer tears of self-pity and regret for all she’d lost.

These tears felt like hope.

Because he really cared.


End file.
